She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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