Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
