Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
