I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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