then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
