Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
