Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
