Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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