everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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