Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
