how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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