Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
