he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
