you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
