better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
