I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
