I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
