Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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