I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
