so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
