Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
