I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
