You just made me feel so damn special
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
