Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
