well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
