dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
