I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
