worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
