I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
