Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
