She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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