Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
