I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
