You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The adults are the big ones right?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
