Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
In the future we'll all be gay
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
