Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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