he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
