i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
tell me about the fingering
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