Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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