I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
