If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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