cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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