I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
