I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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