OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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