ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?