Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
