I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize