It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
