i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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