So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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