i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
