chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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