He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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