Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
