I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
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I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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