Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
and she was petting her beer can
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i dont even know how to be here
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
