and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
