His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
