I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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