i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
