You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
