I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
