6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
