life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
