I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
